3-22-2026 MY INSPO: a place for women

 this week i am inspired by typical feminine places. whether it's the woman who lived in a shoe, the mall, or maybe the imaginary world of a girl's diary, i am there too.

i have iss-shoes

i won't fall for the cbk-ification that is forcing every girl into co. bigelows in nyc to buy a tortoise shell headband. but she is a style icon. anyways, i recently bought these calvin klein heels and laughed to sib: "should i do a cbk inspired look?"

these patent beauties have a square toe and are very comfy but still tall. i am not going to try and pull a cbk look though. i love references and do so constantly, but maybe because the internet is saturated with "get cbk's look" videos make this less appealing to do.

instead, i've been plotting some cute easter looks. whether or not they look kennedy-approved, it's up to you. 

dear diary...

since fourth grade i was that girl with the diary, key and lock. i got my first diary on my birthday and it changed my life. i used to go through these diaries, document my day, my dreams (literal and just aspirations), doodle, draw, plan outfits, draw my friends, make lists for fave songs. i rarely skipped a day of writing. i wrote in really bad broken english: by this point we moved to croatia and spoke croatian full-time. english grammar did not stick with me always. 

while many of my personal archives, mini memoirs, are lost or tossed, i managed to keep a few with me. two from 2012 when i was 13/14, one from 2013 when i started high school, and my attempt in keeping the habit once i moved to the usa (entries varied until 2019, i became sporadic in my habit). i owned one and wrote a bit during my recent move in 2022, but at this point it was like a once-a-month check in. 

then the blog happened and instead of everyday adult stressors, here i am reverting back to my fave songs, outfit inspos, and stuff that feels more like me in 2012 than 2022. 

reading my diaries now, i cringe and laugh, but in a positive way. i felt so misunderstood, my mood varying from an inflated ego to feeling as small as an insignificant bug. my friends were my life, as was one direction. the crush status changed weekly. the reports seem so stupid and unimportant now, but i realize i was a great observer of my peers and loved being the "wallflower".

what was the diary fashion like?

4/15/12

in this entry, i describe how we went to the mall for a dance performance with my dance group. we had a barbie dance and i was - ken. then we used the opportunity to shop around and i purchased these eiffel tower earrings. i still own them!

7/15/12

here's a fit i wore to a local summer beauty pageant event - uhm what is with my forehead? i wore a super cute lace dress, i think? that my aunt brought, and a cute clutch. might think about recreating this fit again...?

i also shared the dream skirt i wanted, super tight pencil mini:

i ended up buying a skirt just like this one with the 'aztec' pattern - and then it mysteriously disappeared. 
i still miss it!!!

a recently recreated look from my hannah montana diary: 1/7/12 - recreated last month during my conference

a "self-portrait" captioned "that's me! I know I'm ugly". okay girl. the top is supposed to be my old justin bieber tee, jeans, a short-sleeved knit black cardigan with white hems. was really obsessed with boho vibes and i always wanted those boho headbands (and flower crowns!)

i later recreated this look, sometime end of last summer for drive in movies. no bieber tee just a band one, poncho, and smaller crossbody.

a summertime look i am yet to recreate. during this time, i was reading the teen magazine ok je ok! pretty religiously and tried my best to find fitspo through the magazine. also, i really liked fedora hats and got a sequin black one for my birthday from my crush at the time.

here's a storytime on this fit from february 2012 (and a "poor" recreation). it was mardi gras and our town did a huge all-day party with costumes and a dj. it was my first encounter with how dancing at a club felt like. from the diary: 

SUNDAY 9:50 2.19.2012

Dear diary,

OMG! Couldn't find u the WHOLE day! I thought someone stole u! I'm sooooo sorry that I couldn't talk to u! Guess what! I have bad & good NEWS!

Bad:

In friday, [friend 1] had a fight with [friend 2]. [friend 2] cryed. crybaby! But later on, they were BFF again. I didn't fight with anyone. I HATE FIGHTS! OK. GOOD: Yesterday was the MASQUERADE! It was awsome! First we were in the center (town square) at 3:00 'till about 5:00 or 6:00, then we were going with [friend 3], [friend 4] and her mom, me, sib, & mommy in the firefighter building. [neighbor] was with us in the center, but not later.

We had a GREAT TIME (at least me)!!!!!! We were dancing & laughing (me, [friend 1], [friend 2]!!! GUESS WHAT: u know who was talking to me? [BOY]!! I couldn't believe it! I had a great time! I WANT PARTIES!! But, 2morrow's school........ :( I think that's all!

Bye!

i wore a white blouse, skinny tie, the fedora, and i looked super sleek. an experiment with androgyny? PeSuit & Tie in the making? no clue, but i remember getting tons of compliments, and while my entry sounds silly to you, the emotions and memories it evokes felt "like a movie".

we wrap up with a later drawing - i don't think this was a fitspo, maybe just some once-upon-a-time mystical drawing - 11/18/15

meet me at the mall

reading when women ran fifth avenue, and it really evokes the glamour of the department store. my aunts and mom were pros in the stores, knowing each section by heart, choosing their favorite name-brand items. from pajamas to easter sunday fits, from tupperware to bras, the department store has it. nordstrom at beachwood (a nearby mall) even has a restaurant. 

speaking of malls - i watched tiffany's 'i think we're alone now' music video. i was too young to remember mall performances, but working during the end times of the mall, i only saw a glimpse of the excitement. kids at the food court, saturday events for all ages, our senior citizen mall walkers. 

historically speaking, the department stores were uniquely feminine - with majority of women working, some of the first spaces for women to work after the suffrage movement. no man could dictate what a woman wants - she was the boss. 

in the extremely digital age with trends passing us like shooting stars, everyone wants to ride the tail of it. but how fast can a department store or mall replenish - when people can find exactly what they need for the fraction of cost. but where is the quality? the visualization, trying the clothes on, the exercise of walking and scanning the racks? is our lifestyle too fast for wandering and window-shopping?

perhaps the climate is changing due to inflated prices, and the women of today prefer (like myself) the sustainable route of antique malls. our predecessors and late-stage capitalism ruined this dreamy experience for us. the world has gone to shit, and the future generations can't enjoy it. we're instead meant to be cautious or deal with the "instant" lifestyle. we didn't sign up for this! covid definitely hit the final nail on the coffin of these community spaces. i worked at the mall up until the month before the historical shutdown in march. i just happened to switch to a job that was a bit higher paying and more structural for college, and it also happened to qualify as an essential job (side note: not sure how a car dealership secretary counts as that, but i may share about this job someday). weeks later, the mall closed, and my old job filed for bankruptcy, closing that late spring. new york and co. was not the only one hit by the change in our societal structure. sib worked at charlotte russe for a month before they shut down, and while they did return, the inventory is more tween based.

a note on teen culture: the transition from child to woman was well advertised with justice, claire's and even forever 21 - giving girls the pop of color and youth they needed without totally resorting to mature or sexualized pieces yet. this too was ruined. young girls now have no choice - how long do you stay in the kid's section, and why do we want young girls to grow up too fast?

i could go on and on about rambling about the department stores and malls. i don't think it's the consumer's fault for these changes, i think the companies no longer have the customer in mind - once upon a time, stores went above and beyond to satisfy the customer with guarantees and long-lasting items. what we can do is be mindful of what we buy and when to buy it. realistically, we probably don't need to shop anywhere for a while. our closets are complete. we don't have to run after every trend. we can cheer on the companies that care for the customers through quality, and we can be mindful with our choices of ethics. the golden age of shopaholics is over ladies. one can only learn about the history and reminisce their own history with these grand buildings. 

ending the note with wise words from iconic editor-in-chief diana vreeland:
"it's not about the dress you wear, but it's about the life you lead in the dress".